Playing Stupid Part 2: The Downside

Yesterday I shared some of the benefits of "playing stupid." But what about those times it blows up in your face? Here are three terrible ways that it can all go wrong:

1. People will think you're an actual idiot.

This one seems obvious, doesn't it? I mean, sure, I may get a laugh if I pretend a student's newfangled cell phone confuses my old man sensibilities. But what if someone standing there legitimately wonders if I'm behind the times?

In Iowa this happens a lot with agriculture. I exaggerate what I don't know. Here's a status I threw up on my Facebook wall, "I don't know why everyone is talking about putting in their plants this month. Carrie and I just spent the day harvesting a huge crop out of our garden. There were these yellow flowers. And white puffy ones. And prickly green plants. Must be beginner's luck -- we're excelling at this gardening thing."

Photo credit: David DeHetre via Flickr

Very kindhearted people wrote me to say, "Aw, Matt, those are actually dandelions and thistles." >-< Ouch, they really thought I was that out of it? In their defense, I have learned a lot in this past year that locals take for granted. For example, I've learned the definition of "detasseling" (which is different from detasseling in the Jewish neighborhood I grew up in).

Truly, I appear stupid enough throughout the day without the help of "playing stupid."

2. The Same Story gets Repeated Again and Again

"Playing stupid" is the kryptonite of gossip. It's true. But when someone approaches trying to pull me into a salacious story and I demurely opt to "play stupid," there is a high probability that individual is going to launch into the full story anyway.

I should be clear: I always encourage people towards uplifting, honest, two-way conversation, and to avoid talking behind other's backs. Does that change a person's desire to spill everything they know? For some reason, no.

Fortunately not everything is gossip. Sometimes I'm just respecting confidentiality and trying not to accidentally confirm what is private information. I "play stupid" by keeping quiet and the caring individual shares information I already knew.

3. People give you Free Stuff

This is a downside!? Actually, yes, it is. Because even if the item is given with 99% kindness, there is still that last 1% of pity. And like a drop of steroids in an Olympic-sized swimming pool, 1% is all it takes to spoil the batch.

I made a casual, self-deprecating joke about my gardening efforts and suddenly there was a crate of homegrown tomatoes outside my front door. I exaggerated the ease of lawncare in Arizona (no mowing + no weeding = happy Matt) and now I have a donated lawnmower and weed eater sitting in my garage.

These random acts of kindness spotlight the unbelievable, extravagant, constant generosity of the people of Algona. Thank you, everyone! And if I was straightforward with my need/request, "Does anyone have a couple extra tomatoes from their garden I could try?" then no big deal.

But when the offer is made because I exaggerate my need or ignorance? Well then I just feel dirty receiving this charity. You'll see, one day a guy in a suit and sunglasses will knock on my door. All he'll say is "3rd degree lawnmower theft" and cart me off to jail. I'm truly the lamest form of con man: the accidental kind.

Conclusion: Is "playing stupid" worth it?

Yesterday I wrote the upside, today I wrote the downside. So what do you think, reader? Have you ever been caught in a situation where you pretended not to know? Have you found any notable benefits or consequences to playing stupid?

Playing Stupid: Why Not Having a Clue Ain't so Bad

Do you ever play stupid? I know I do. All the time. And I know what you're thinking, haha, but yes, I do mean intentionally playing stupid. Let me give you three examples:

Photo Credit: Ethan Lofton via Flickr

 

1. Conflict: Mr. Neverhappy storms into the church office, slamming the door behind him and digging his pointer finger into the surface of the desk as he shouts, "I have been in this church for 38 years and I have NEVER seen the annual potluck handled this way!"

I have a choice in this moment. I can argue the finer details with this gentleman, trying to prove to him the correctness of the committee's reasoning for the minor changes, or I can ease tension by playing stupid. I respond, "Talk to me. What have you enjoyed most about the annual potluck over the years? Help me understand."

Stupidity works here because I'm not ignoring his feelings. I am showing respect to his expertise. And once he knows he has been heard, as the conversation develops, I'll have the chance to help him see things from a new point of view.

2. Gossip: Mrs. Chatter lowers her voice and takes a step closer, "Did you hear the latest about Miss Soandso?" Hmm, obvious gossip. Or how about the sneakier version when Mrs. Chatter walks up and asks, "I would really like to pray for Miss Soandso. What's the latest?" Oh my. What to do?

If I know for a fact that information can be shared with the congregation then I will go ahead and share, encouraging Mrs. Chatter to pray for God's activity in Miss Soandso's life. But what if I'm unsure what information is meant for the public? I never lie; instead, I play stupid, "Oh, hmm, good question. Well here's what I know: she would feel really encouraged to know someone is praying for her. You should give her a call today to let her know you're thinking about her."

That's not a sidestep; it's a genuine attempt to put the focus where it belongs.

3. Humor: This is my favorite use of the stupid persona. A middle schooler pulls out their cell phone and I suddenly become an 80 year old man confused by the most basic technology, "Wait, cell phones can take pictures now!?" I'll make any stupid joke if it makes a member of the youth group laugh -- I have no shame.

Why does this work? Because people let their guard down when they know you don't take yourself too seriously. Those who understand the joke are invited to participate and when it's done in a good-natured way, everyone wins.

But I can't stress this enough -- if you're in youth ministry, never, NEVER, make the student the butt of a joke. Even if you think it's just some friendly sarcasm. Even if the student uses sarcasm themselves. Try your best to avoid it because you're the authority figure and you never know how your words are shaping the emotional lives of those who hear them.


Of course we all know there are times playing stupid can backfire. Tomorrow I'll share some events from my own life when playing stupid was definitely the wrong choice.

Questioning your Faith

[I would love to share with you an article I contributed to this week's Algona Upper Des Moines newspaper. Enjoy!]

Two years ago I took a leap of faith; I boarded a plane to come serve at Algona First United Methodist Church. Outside of childhood visits to relatives in Cherokee, this would be my first taste of Iowan living.

Combines? I could not pick one out of a John Deere line-up. Plants? I was thrilled when plants grew in our new garden even after being told most were weeds. Sports? I quickly learned that a “Hawkeye” was more than just the name of a Marvel comic book character.

Honestly, I felt a little nervous stepping onto that plane. For reassurance I peeked into the cockpit to ensure there was a pilot. I double-checked the city listed on the ticket. I imagined what I would experience in Iowa but until I moved, I would never fully know.

Photo Credit: Kuster & Wildhaber Photography via Flickr

Think how unsatisfied I would have felt to remain in the airport, perpetually stuck collecting travel data but never departing. Or, on the other extreme, consider the absurdity of boarding a plane that is clearly missing a wing.

Is faith so different from that airplane? We can study it from a distance but until we try it out for ourselves, important answers will elude us.

For example, the Bible is silent on many issues: Should we genetically engineer our food? How many dates should a couple go on before getting married? Mac or PC?

The Bible gives us principals but it is up to us, through experimentation and faithful discernment, to transform knowledge into wisdom.

I used to be scared by these unknowns. I thought that if I worked for a church, people expected me to have an answer for every question. Then I learned to trust 1 Corinthians 4:1-2, “Think of us in this way, as servants of Christ and stewards of God’s mysteries.” (NRSV). I learned that there is an important difference between exhaustive knowledge and sufficient knowledge. Some mystery is okay.

This is wonderful news and honestly, it is why Christian faith is so dynamic. Since God’s goodness, mercy, and justice are infinite, we will never stop discovering aspects of His love. As theologian Oswald Chambers shares, “The meaning of prayer is that we get hold of God, not the answer.”

This “approach” to faith is bigger than trying to be good enough or guaranteeing where we will go after we die; instead it is an active, daily relationship with Jesus, “And this is eternal life, that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent.” (John 17:3 NRSV).

I want to encourage you today: if you are unsure whether Jesus is truly the Son of God then that is okay. Take a chance. Let God know that you have questions but are willing to take that first small step towards Him. God promises, "Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you.” (Matthew 7:7 NRSV).

If you already have a relationship with Jesus then where are you holding back? Step out of your comfort zone and lean into mystery, knowing that God will be with you every step of the way.

The Power of a Cliché

Beginner's writing classes are all the same. During the first lesson the teacher will at some point, inevitably, share this one-size-fits-all mantra: "Show, don't tell." The idea is that abstract nouns are not as powerful as sensory details. So instead of vaguely saying, "I feel sad," you should give details, such as, "I could feel the warm tear run down the side of my cheek."

Hmm, okay. But consider this situation: I'm walking into the nursing home to visit an elderly man from my congregation. He is dying and not happy about it. Not. At. All. My hope is to lift his spirits but I am unsure of how this conversation will go. Should I avoid clichés as I talk with him?


Photo Credit: Tom Newby Photography via Flickr

If I'm focused on details then walking into a nursing home is almost sensory overload. The smell is what hits me first; it fills my nostrils, that institutional mix of urine and bleach. My ears catch the faint beeping of machinery [beeping is good!], as well as distant groans. Most of the residents here are past the point of caring what socially inappropriate sounds leave their bodies. I see heads lift to check whether I am a family member who has come for a visit.

I tend to catch all these details if I'm focused on myself and my experiences.

But if I'm truly focused on the individual I'm visiting then the visit takes on a different story. I see a man in need of a lifeline, who is trapped in darkness and looking for light, who is at the end of his rope. He shares, "the walls are closing in! I've run out of steam. Time is up."

When people are dying they speak in clichés. Why is that? In the context of a writing class, clichés are less effective and usually the consequence of laziness or avoidance. But is that what's going on with a dying man? Or for that matter, the young couple who has recently had their first child, or the teenager who is discovering romance for the very first time? We resort to clichés in life's most meaningful moments.

I believe people speak in clichés because it's a shared and intimate language. After all, an experience doesn't become a cliché unless it repeats throughout time and is experienced by many people. Using a cliché is a way to connect with others and feel less alone. There's no guesswork, it ensures you're instantly heard and understood. So when it comes to writing poetry then by all means, avoid clichés. But all I know is that the last thing a dying man yearns for is sensory details; his pain takes the form of clichés, and that's good enough for me.

iPad Developers

Okay, so the iPad has only been out a few months now. And while some of the concepts that worked on iPhone apps do effectively carry over to the new device, the extra real estate of the larger screen brings a new level of immersion and possibility. Developers are slowly working through a process of trial and error to figure out what concepts work best.

I have no doubts that in a year or two we'll see polished and fun new concepts being delivered on iPad and other touch-screen devices. For the time being, though, we have to slog through cluncky mechanics (I'm looking at you, dual-thumb analog stick interface) and poorly executed gimmicks.

For what it's worth, here a few apps that I think are using the iPad capabilities well:

UZU (similar to Spawn Glow for the iPhone)



This is really just a toy. The application itself doesn't accomplish anything, it is just a way to spend some time, but the visuals are so fun and the interaction so rewarding that you will end up sitting in front of it for long periods of time and coming back to it over and over again.

Basically the physics change depending on how many fingers you contact with the device. One finger trailing across the screen does something different than five fingers.

A lot of talk has been thrown around about how touch-screens take away an intermediary between the person and the information. No mouse. No clicking through menus, just simply touching the information you want to access. In the near future we will probably see the same kind of "hand swipes" and "pinch zooms" in motion-sensing peripheries for game systems, "smart tables" in public places, and on personal computing devices. Think of this -- kids growing up nowadays will only know a world where information is instantly accessible and accessible through intuitive touch/movement. I saw a youtube video of a 4 year old playing a first person shooter game on a touch device, navigating through menus as if it were the most natural thing in the world. A four year old!!

Musicians have perhaps been the first subgroup to really unlock some of these touch navigation possibilities. A few years ago composing a song meant knowing complex music theory, painstakingly inputting notes into music software, and fine-tuning the final product until something decent was produced. Nowadays there are programs that will intuitively shape algorithms around what you shape with your hands. You can "compose" music by moving around lines for balls to bounce off of in Soundrop app, make visual songs on TonePad, etc.

On a slightly related note, I have a friend who taught himself basic drum beats through playing a lot of Rock Band. Seriously. So while you may knock kinetic interaction as a passing fad, there are real possibilities for "tricking" people into producing new works of art or other products.


Touching Stories



All I really have to say is two words: interactive movie. This app contains four tiny vignettes and I use the word tiny intentionally. You'll run through each of the stories in a minute or two but the fact that you can actually tap your way through the story (or shake, bump, whatever else the story calls you to do in order to interact with the story) is pretty epic. I would love to see apps take more advantage of interactive media like this.


Word Games

"Word Games" isn't actually the name of the app but I am referring to all the creative word games you can find in app form. As a word games lover, my two choices in the past were to play a board game with friends or play some dorky flash game online. It doesn't make sense to sell word game software in stores (you're not going to see a $60.00 bundle of competitive HD action Scrabble). So I have been pleasantly surprised at the creative surge touch-tablets have brought to word games. I'm talking Imangi, iAssociate, Tripletters, Moxie, Scramble 2, Words Free, etc.


Harbor Master, FlightCtrl HD, RocketCop HD, etc.

All these games share the same premise: you trace your finger along the path that you want the vehicles to travel. Your job is to move the vehicles to the right spots without them crashing into one another.

These kinds of games are only possible on large touch-screens. I want to see more of these kinds of games and less of badly designed/clunky first person and awkward platformers! Anyone with me?

HoloToy

This app is downright incredible. It's basically a collection of "mini-games" that are all completely 3d. The whole 3d effect is kind of a craze right now --- tv's are doing it, video games are doing it, and of course movies are doing it. But what gets tricky is how the effect is accomplished... either the person needs to wear special glasses or a camera needs to track the person's eyes so the program can compensate. Meh on both, sometimes it works well and other times not so much.

The reason you should check out this app is because it uses the accelerometer to figure out how to create the 3d experience. In one of the games, "Projection Puzzle," you have to move your device around until you see the image completed:



Fun, yes? I'm not a fan of wearing glasses to have a blurry 3d effect on my television. I am a fan of using an accelerometer to intuitively move my way through a 3d environment that moves around me.



Runners up (apps worth checking out):

ColorSplash is a photoshop-type program where you finger-draw in the part of the picture you want to remain colored vs. the rest of the picture which is turned black-and-white. It's great for a quick and easy way to create incredible looking pictures. If I can use it successfully, anyone can.

CaptainsBlog is something I have to mention. It is by no means the most powerful journal program out there (for that check out MaxJournal) but it is Star Trek Next Generation themed!!! It gives a red alert when it's asking if you're sure you want to delete something. It looks like TNG computer interface. It is a must-have for any Trekker.

Dictation blows me away as a linguist. Very simply it takes your recorded voice and turns it into text. I sure hope the app is still free because if it is, you have no reason not to get it and check it out.

Touchgrind HD is a finger skateboard game where your swipes and flicks make the board do tricks underneath you. It's a fun one, yeps.

DropBox is for viewing PDF's off of your computer on any mobile device. Nothing flashy just uber-practical.

I could keep going but I have no idea who I'm writing this post for so no worries, I'll just hit post.

Being a Student

Okay, so there is so much in life to create wonder. I was passing by the playground of my church this past Sunday when one of the elementary school kids started telling me about the tank he built which could shoot missiles into the future. Into the future!?!? Needless to say, the kid's awesomeness earned my immediate respect. But more than that it got me thinking about looking at the world with a sense of fascination.

Part of me really dreads graduating because school is my excuse to learn new things every day. For the record, if I ever stop sponging up the bizarre and wonderful inspirations of this world, you have permission to punch me in the face. I never want to stop learning.

So just for funsies here are some things that have caught my attention over the past couple of days:

Inspiration comes from so many places…

… both from the high art of past history and the current projects of friends and family… layered soliloquies, photographs that have more movement than most movies… acoustic songwriters singing so delicately that a single breath would cause the whole song to disintegrate… deconstructionist jazz renditions of popular songs…



Or for a slightly more adventurous example listen to this song long enough to get to the melody: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFSNR8t5KdY

… I recently heard the story of a teenager with synesthesia, the type where she experiences tastes when she hears words. She talked about how each word has its own taste and after a short discussion the interviewer asked her, “How would you feel if you woke up one day and suddenly weren’t a synesthete any longer?” The girl responded, “I suppose it would be like going from seeing the world in color to only seeing the world in black and white.” And I marveled…

… the girl used such varied and interesting vocabulary, which seemed peculiar at first until I realized that she delights in wordchoice in ways none of us will ever understand…



… I’m inspired by the possibilities of video games, how developers are embracing it as a new art form, telling stories, using interactivity and community to encourage casual gamers to experience new things… imagine a movie you can help direct, a painting you can walk around in, a novel that updates with current events and trends…

… inventions both useful and useless, countless working gears to bring innovative new ideas into reality… that place where quirky meets ingenious and one idea changes the way all of society lives…



…I was told once that astronauts doing spacewalks must constantly keep an object in view or else they will lose a frame of reference. I don’t know if that’s true, but the person continued to explain that if they lose all frame of reference they will suddenly recognize how unbelievably fast they’re travelling in the openness of outer space. As the story goes, an astronaut experienced this very sensation for only a split second yet for years he has been dreaming of how hauntingly beautiful that moment was…



…I’m inspired by so many different moments in life… people surprising themselves with unexpected self-expressions, how something as simple as hitting icicles can bring so much satisfaction…

…yet the most inspiring art ever created can’t compare to the beauty of what God can do in a single life. I’ve watched God redeem the broken, transform the hopeless into the vibrant. All the above stories and art pieces might provide momentary smiles but nothing, absolutely nothing compares to the awe I feel towards the God of the universe. He is the ultimate worker of mysteries, the supreme Artist and Creator. It’s to the point where I can’t imagine life without His truths – how muted everything would seem, how pointless. Glory to God that He continues to reach out to us where we’re at and fills our lives with unearned blessings.

This Crazy thing we call Interweb

Why I love the internet:

I've talked in this blog before about niche communities. It wasn't too many years ago a teenager had to wait until college, or until old enough to move cities/states, before they could fall into a crowd of truly like-minded persons. Whether the interest be a particular genre of music, lifestyle choice, or faith community, sometimes it was difficult to feel that anyone else in the world was in the same ballpark.

I remember being young and thinking to myself, "Why is no one my age genuine about their faith? Am I the only Christian my age in the world??" That may seem like a truly absurd thought (certainly my intellectual mind knew it wasn't true) but that doesn't diminish the very real relief I felt when I found a group like the Navigators in college.

I see a secular sense of belonging in something like http://nerdfighters.ning.com/?page_id=63 , which essentially spawned from two nerdy brothers video blogging each other and has now become a popular social network for the nerdier kids of the nation. If you like Harry Potter, if you were a marching band dork, if you love sci-fi and writing songs about video games... nerdfighters is probably a group you want to be aware of.

But more than niche communities, the internet is a place where anyone/everyone can make their concepts/inventions a reality. I just recently discovered a site called http://omegle.com/ that was made by an 18 year old. The site is basically a completely anonymous version of aim -- when you log on you're connected to one other anonymous person who you can then have a conversation with. I've only used the site once (I asked the guy it connected me to about his experiences on the site, what most conversations ended up being about, etc.). Fascinating concept and all from a kid who hadn't even graduated high school yet.

Here's another great concept: http://www.yourworldoftext.com/home/ Basically it's an open screen that anyone can type into (anonymously) in real time. So you can edit what other people have typed, add your own thoughts. It's like a big open whiteboard for anyone to use. Now be careful, if you're clicking on the links then know that the main board of this site can get pretty inappropriate. The genius of the site, though, is that adding backslash and something to the url brings you to a new open whiteboard... so if you were to go to http://www.yourworldoftext.com/christianity you would find some thoughts (anonymous, mind you) from anyone else who typed onto that page. You and your friends could make your own page, etc. Again, great concept made by one individual.

Most of my friends have heard me go on and on about the brilliance of http://blip.fm/ (which is like twitter but every post is a song or video that is pulled from the internet) ... it's a tremendous site for music lovers out there. Helps build a community, share favorite bands, etc. But that isn't the only site for legal and innovative ways of sharing music mix tapes, here's an article from wired about some others: http://www.wired.com/epicenter/2009/10/best-8-ways-to-share-mix-tapes/

If you're reading this post and thinking to yourself, "Meh, these are gimicky and a waste of time, bringing focus off of what life should be about," then let me gently challenge you with one thought... kids nowadays are born into a facebook world. The way they understand reality and relate to truth is deeply couched in the technologies of the internet. Of course that mental and social shift has both pros and cons but the exciting news is that social networking breathes new life into those meaningful and necessary conversations.

Don't lose yourself in the shuffle -- your beliefs, interests, purpose in life -- but also don't be afraid to use new platforms for self-expression. If you have a story to share, if you are in possession of good news for the world... then let it go wherever you go :-) It's a big crazy world out there and while in some regards there is nothing new under the sun, be excited that age-old truths are reinvented and rediscovered every generation. As I heard recently, "God doesn't have any grandchildren," meaning the faith of your parents is their faith, your faith must be your own.

Okay, I've reached the point of rambling so I'll hit the post button. Happy posting, bloggers.

What to post today?

I miss the old days of blogging, you know, when early teenager Matt would write any and everything into a journal that was oh-so-private and yet oh-so-read and commented on by all my friends. I miss reading their blogs, each feeling so unique, as if we all were working on some grand project but could confide absolutely any piece of information we wanted.

When you're young like that, writing has no agenda. In fact, our only agenda was to not have an agenda. If I was thinking of God that day, I would write about God, my faith, prayer life, etc. If I was thinking about the rubber sole of my shoe, well psh, I'd write about that.

Adults don't blog like that. Every shared thought, blog, letter, phone conversation... has a purpose behind it. Now don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to hear about someone's life and their current need or project. I not only am blessed by that correspondence but it reminds me of the profound work God has in store for my community, the nation, the world. That type of writing is absolutely necessary and desired and beneficial, please don't misunderstand what I'm saying. I just wouldn't mind getting the same substance in a slightly different format (from the mini-sermon blog post, the anecdotal image that is profound post, the exhausted because waiting for provision and hope post). >-<

I wish the everyday-ness of tweets slipped into the rest of our sites, and the intention of newsletters/blogs slipped into the mundane-ness of tweeting and facebook. I wish frivolous projects went hand-in-hand with the profound.

After all, wouldn't that make our sharing seem less... agenda-filled? Wouldn't a dash more frivolity show that our first and foremost service to God is to enjoy our relationship with Him, to increase His glory by reflecting back the very nature of Christ? "This is who I am world, take it or leave it, I'm a guy who loves Christ and all my serious and not-so-serious projects are a result of the freedom, grace, hope, and truth that I have in God." Anyway :-P it's been three months since I posted on this blog so these thoughts seemed an appropriate apology/beginning.

Creating Space

Creating space for ministry to happen.

If a person's only fellowship takes place on a Sunday morning, then even IF that person speaks solely of what God is doing in their life, then the time limit means the conversation can only be highlights at best. When someone asks, "How are you?" the person can either say "good," or some rehearsed/rushed answer for that particular spotlighted moment. But in my experience it can take someone a while before the conversation drifts to what's really hurting them. Sometimes the deep issues don't come out until a couple cups of coffee into the meal.

Similarly, if the only time a person talks about their faith is in a weekly Bible study then there is a danger their faith will become a performance. After all, it's hard not to construct mini-thoughts to share with the group when going through that week's study. As Bible Study leaders we may unintentionally send the message that time in the Word is strictly utilitarian. "And what have you learned this week in your quiet times?" Ready... set... GO!

Instead, what if ministry happened in the spaces between and in everything else? What if faith issues moved gently in and out of all life's other conversations? What if part of our ministry to students was creating enough safe space so a person could just sit quietly in a God-centered atmosphere. No presentation... no awkward, "That's what I've learned. And you?" Just a community in which Christ-centeredness was part of its understated being.

For the student this kind of identity formation happens (most of the time) without their awareness. They'll think they're just hanging out when really a community is being formed, deep questions are being discussed, and individuals are taking big steps in their faith. The student may not realize anything special is going on, but the leader works hard to help create that type of environment --- the goal may be to make it seem effortless and natural, but "creating space" is one of the most difficult tasks of a minister. Often students take their biggest steps in the most unexpected moments, during a time the minister didn't pre-plan or pre-encourage.

Anyway, I'm probably just preaching to the choir on all this but I thought I would type it up anyways to share with y'all. :-D Ministry is such an unconventional occupation, it's interesting to start discussions about it every now and then.